My jokes

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

I have fun with my friends.

Stephanie is my name.

I love my name.

Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

My family.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

My dignity to live.

I love my dog and all dogs.

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."