I have fun with my friends.
My Jokes
I love my name.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
I suck my dick.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
Why does everyone call me racist?
My shadow is black.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
