My jokes

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.

My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I heard World War 50000000 in my parent's room.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.