My jokes

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

All my 9/11 jokes seem to fly too low.

I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....

Good thing my brother's a little bit different.

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.

The sexy towers are just like my sexy toes because when I crashed a plane into the tower, it burned and bled.

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

What should I sell my dragon for?

Dragon these balls across yo face!

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.