My jokes

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

My dignity to live.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

My family.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

Stephanie is my name.

I have fun with my friends.