My jokes

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).