My jokes

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

Stephanie is my name.

I love my name.

I have fun with my friends.

Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

My family.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"