My jokes
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?
My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.
Knock, knock.
You suck my iron with you and mommy.
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
You go h dichotomy lol what do you want to what what’s the name for the address for sure what’s what I name it says I name it lol I don’t o I have to get r CB n nu set set e Okay okay I’ll be at my place.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.