My jokes

My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”

“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

What should I sell my dragon for?

Dragon these balls across yo face!

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

I caught my wife cheating on me.

I beat my son and grounded him.

What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?

They both ride on my dick.