My jokes

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!

Who's in my ass?

Your sister.

"My name is Dezz."

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

Knock, knock.

You suck my iron with you and mommy.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.