My jokes

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.

I like my humans like I like my chicken... Fully cooked.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.