My jokes

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

What do you call my friends?...

Short.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

I keep hearing "Obesity kills."

My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.