My jokes

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

My dignity to live.

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

I suck my dick.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.