My jokes

My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.

I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

My classmate, Hailey Legacy.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

My depression is depressed.

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.