My jokes

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

What do you call my friends?...

Short.

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

My depression is depressed.

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."