My jokes

For jokes, search my YouTube channel: Knowledge with arslan.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”

“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.

I caught my wife cheating on me.

I beat my son and grounded him.

What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?

They both ride on my dick.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"