My jokes

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

Stephanie is my name.

I love my name.

Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.