My jokes

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

MISSING MISSING!!! 😢😢

NAME: PRUNO PENANDES 👍🤝

MISSING: 27/6/21 VS BELGIUM 🤔🤔

LAST SEEN: DIVING AT OLD TRAFFORD, CRYING TO REFEREES🤬😿

POSSIBLE LOCATIONS: PENALTY SPOT🥅

"GIVE ME PENALTY”🤬🤬

"I ONLY STATPAD AGAINST FARMERS MY FRIEND"😁😁

Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

Haha, my life is a joke, but it ain't funny.

These are bee puns.🐝

I BEElieve you are eager to hear!🐝

I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝

(Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.

It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.

My parents love me.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

My name says it all.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?