My jokes

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

My name says it all.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

My username good.

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.

I love my dog!

Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.

He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.