My jokes
I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.