My jokes

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

Wanna see my pp again?

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."