My jokes

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.

My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.