My Jokes

Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...

My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”

“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”

I caught my wife cheating on me.

I beat my son and grounded him.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

It's my bday

A cartoon drawing shows three Hollow Knight characters. The one in the middle wears a birthday hat and stands behind a birthday cake. The character on the left has a party horn in its mouth. The text in the image says: "it's myi brthday wish me hapoy birhtdy!1!!"

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?

They both ride on my dick.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.