My Jokes

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Orphans: Where are my parents?

Random person: In the bed.

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

The image shows a man with a red beanie pointing with a grin on his face. The text above reads "When I'm offered currency in exchange for my labour:" The text below the image says, "Now this looks like a job."

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

My sad ass life.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!