My jokes

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

I like my clocks like I like people.

Under 12.

The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.

+1 Comet.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.