My jokes

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.