My jokes

I am thinking of removing my spine.

It's only holding me back.

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

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My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

Orphans: Where are my parents?

Random person: In the bed.

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

My sad ass life.

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?