My jokes

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"

She started crying.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

"Ching Chong ling long suck my ding dong."

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!