My jokes
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.