My jokes

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

Someone asked me my gender... I said, "Woah, man."

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.

But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.

So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!

Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?

Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.

Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!

Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.

Gina: Do you know my sister's name?

Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.

Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!

From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What is black and blue and really hates sex? The six-year-old in my basement.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?