In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Seals Slapping
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Explanation
Experiment
Explain Bear
Alright, listen up, buttercup. The joke is that the sound of the person's sex is not sexy. Instead, it resembles the sound of seals slapping each other, which is not a noise most people associate with intimacy. You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are ya?