My jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.
POV: me laughing at my friend or cousin when they fall flat or trip on something
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."
I shot her, now we wait.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
My name is Giselle.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.