My jokes

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.

Credits: to my friend.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.

What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"