My jokes

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Never mind, it’s too long.

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?