My jokes

Watching porn.

Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.

Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.

His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.

Add me on Fortnite, my user is liamonoce2004 :)

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

My hair is blue, and I'm blue!

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

What do you call an orphan with parents?

Idk, I never met one before.

Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."

Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.

More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?

An orphan.

Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?

Because they can’t find one.

lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.