My jokes
Why did my dad leave me?
Because I was gay.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
My syndrome may be down, but my money be up 😈.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?
Cows go moo.
My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?
A: My sister.
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.