My jokes

Duck

    • If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

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    • Basketball

    • When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.

    My friend was like, "That’s a huge sack of balls."

    He didn’t realize what was about to happen.

    Baby

    • Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

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    • My memes

    Coffin

    • Me: Good night, everyone.

    My friends and family: Night.

    Me: *gets in coffin*

    My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

    My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

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    • Talk

    • I call this my great talk with Siri.

    Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

    Siri: My mother? Huh?

    Me: Did I stutter?

    Siri: Interesting question.

    Me: It wasn’t a question.

    Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

    Me: You should understand.

    Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

    Me: No, you b***.

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    • Kid

    • +1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

    +1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

    +1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

    Chat

    • Hi guys, I’m so so so bored. My point is, does anyone have time for chatting tomorrow, around 12:00 or so on? Guest list included:

    1 Gwen

    2 water sharky

    So on and so on.

    We can talk about Reddit or just other things. Thank you. 😀

    Uncle

    • Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

    Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

    (AT BED TIME)

    Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

    Ben: "I'm not."

    (Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

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    • Song

    • Stressed Out - By - Twenty One Pilots and watersharky Music Productions - I wish I found some better sounds No one's ever heard. I wish I had a better voice That sang some better words. I wish I found some chords In an order that is new. I wish I didn't have to rhyme Every time I sang.

    I was told when I get older All my fears would shrink. But now I'm insecure And I care what people think. My name's Blurryface and I care what you think. My name's Blurryface and I care what you think.

    Wish we could turn back time To the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep But now we're stressed out Wish we could turn back time To the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep But now we're stressed out We're stressed out

    Sometimes a certain smell will Take me back to when I was young How come I'm never able to identify Where it's coming from? I'd make a candle out of it If I ever found it Try to sell it, never sell out of it I'd probably only sell one. It'd be to my brother, cause we have the same nose Same clothes, home grown The stone's throw from a creek we used to roam But it would remind us of when Nothing really mattered Out of student loans and tree house homes We all would take the latter My name's Blurryface and I care what you think My name's Blurryface and I care what you think

    Wish we could turn back time To the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep But now we're stressed out Wish we could turn back time To the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep But now we're stressed out

    Used to play pretend Give each other different names We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away Used to dream of outer space But now they're laughing at our face singing "Wake up, you need to make money", yeah Used to play pretend Give each other different names We would build a rocket ship And then we'd fly it far away Used to dream of outer space But now they're laughing at our face singing "Wake up, you need to make money", yeah

    Wish we could turn back time To the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep But now we're stressed out Wish we could turn back time To the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep But now we're stressed out

    We used to play pretend, used to play pretend, money We used to play pretend, wake up you need the money Used to play pretend, used to play pretend, money We used to play pretend, wake up you need the money Used to play pretend Give each other different names We would build a rocket ship And then we'd fly it far away Used to dream of outer space But now they're laughing at our face saying "Wake up, you need to make money", yeah