My jokes
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.