My jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.

Like and comment if you get it!

Site nearly as dead as my trim.

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

Hi guys! In my opinion, I think your jokes are non-funny! Can you make more sense!

Btw, who writes jokes about orphans? Thanks for understanding!

Me: Hi Kallen.

Kallen: Hi.

Me: You're too big to fit in my car.

A joke, huh?

My sense of humor.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Your hairline is so old, it’s more wrinkled than my great grandpa's penis.

Roses are tree.

I shoved a battery up my butt.

Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.