My jokes

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Hey guess what...

What...

My penis is big.

My friend has a dry sense of humor.

Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.

My name has "anus" in it.

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?

Her miscarriage.

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."