My jokes

Rose

    • Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

    Gf: "I luv u too."

    Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

    Gf: "Ah, about that..."

  • 8

    • Bird

    • My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

    That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Cereal

    • Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

    Gf: Just lying in bed.

    Bf: Just lying in bed?

    Gf: And eating cereal.

    Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

    Gf: Eat my cereal.

    Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

    Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

  • 5

    • Gummy bear

    • A B C D E F G.

    Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!

    Gorilla

    • My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

  • 0

    • Cop

    • I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

    I got the joke from my brother.

    Time

    • My teacher: Time can't count.

    Me: Every second counts.

    My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

    Shooting Range

    • I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

  • 0

    • Time

    • You: Find a time clock that can change time.

    Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

    You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

    Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.