Murder

Murder jokes

Redneck

    • A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

    The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

    After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

    The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

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    • Choice

    • Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

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    • Man

    • As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

  • 0
    • Murder memes

    Line

    • You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

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    • Choice

    • How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

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    • Man

    • A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

    A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

    Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

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    • Victim

    • Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.

    When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."

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    • Body

    • Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.

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    • Friend

    • Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

    Friend 2: Me neither.

    Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

    Friend 1: *jumps*

    Friend 2: *jumps*

    Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

    Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

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    • Muffin

    • Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

    Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

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    • Soda

    • A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"

    Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.

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    • Mother

    • When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

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