Movie jokes
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?
Netflix and alcohol.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Batman vs Superman?
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?
What movie do orphans hate? The Fast and the Furious.
Your mamma so fat Thanos had to clap 4 times.
You're so fat, Thanos had to snap three times to destroy you.
What do you call Cap and Spider-Man? Spider-America!
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."