Actress jokes

Amber Heard's Morning Routine

Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:

Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

What is stuck between a doorway?

Rebel Wilson.

What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:

"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"

When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."

A famous celebrity admitted that she was non-straight, suffered from a rare condition that changed the colour of her skin, did not age well, only wanted to be compensated for her work in the 5th month of each year at her favourite store while laying down:

TO GET FAYE'S WAY, PAY GRAY, GRAY, GAY FAYE WRAY IN MAY AND LAY HER DOWN AT "THE BAY". OK!!!

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)