Morbidity jokes
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Are you a knife? Because I want you.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Why can't my grandma talk?
Because she's dead.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.