Morbidity Jokes

Anonymous

How do you embarrass an archeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it’s from

Anonymous

What flour do you give a orphan

Self raising

3
Chet

Rehab’s for quitters and I don’t give up

3
James

Grandpa: you can’t have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren’t allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school

9
Anonymous

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

Big Boss Tom

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

9
MemeLord344

Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs

4
Anonymous

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

[null48]

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.

0
Anonymous

The colours red, white and blue are the colours of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.

5
Sophia L.

Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression

Antonio Defibaugh

whats the difference between Chris Brown and Santa.

Santa stops at 3 hoes

Repost

“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Anonymous

After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

8
Anonymous

School shooting happens

Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk

American student: “First time?”

Anonymous

If you push some one that’s bullying, if you kill some one that’s murder, if there is no evidence it’s nothing

6
Isaiah Kellar

What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.

5
Anonymous

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

Repost

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

9
Smol bean

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.