Morbid jokes
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Tell me morbid jokes in comments so I have some jokes for my friend.
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Everywhere.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.