Morbid jokes

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).

Me starts a cult just for fun... Just for fun!

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.