I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
Morbid Jokes
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
99% of Roblox usernames be like: bdiejfbsie3hdiejdbisie882jeoxnd, by yYidgJyeuzyei73*-;ujduzjehzisjd, and j73heisbdjJd3nakwnwo2jdieneidjd.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
