Morbid jokes
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got genital warts, Soon you will, too!
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.