Morbid jokes
Tell me morbid jokes in comments so I have some jokes for my friend.
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Everywhere.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.