When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
What do you call a man with 6.022 x 10^23 dollars?
A Moleionaire.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Yo mama so poor, she can't even pay attention.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
