I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Yo mama so poor, she can't even pay attention.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
