Money jokes
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
Why you should never borrow money from dwarves?
Because they are always short! 😁😁😁😁
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
"Why are all these orphans here?" said Chris.
"Because their dad went to go get the milk," said MrBeast.
3 Years Later,
"I AM GIVING APPLE IN A SHARE TO EVERY ORPHAN IN THE WORLD, AND I'M ALSO GIVING EACH OF THEM 1000000000000 DOLLARS."
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?
It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
What is money called on the moon?
Mooney.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.