My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
"Why are all these orphans here?" said Chris.
"Because their dad went to go get the milk," said MrBeast.
3 Years Later,
"I AM GIVING APPLE IN A SHARE TO EVERY ORPHAN IN THE WORLD, AND I'M ALSO GIVING EACH OF THEM 1000000000000 DOLLARS."
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?
It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
What is money called on the moon?
Mooney.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
