I gave an emo kid money He gave me the great depresson
if i had a dollar for every time you said something smart id be broke
One day my mom told me not to be an acter i said but mommy i will make alot of money!
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What's a my cock and money have in common? Your mom
When you find out the stripper your banging is a hooker but you're saving money so it's ok
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
The orphan wanted to call home sick but there was no one
the orphan went to school to have food but there was no money in his account
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
prostitutes love their job's their always having a blast
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged, he holds up the phone and money falls out.
I got 1,000,000$ dollar's for my brother best trade I ever made
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
The Good Old Days > You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on lay-away.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money bartender says you gotta do 3 task he takes the shot of Jack and the customer says what are the tasks he says the 1st one is but the 1st 1 is I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth and you gotta pull it he says all right what's the 2nd 1 he said I got a big old girl upstairs that aint had no loving in a long time you gotta make her smile he takes another shot of Jack he said all right what's the 3rd 1 he said you see that horse outside you gotta make him laugh and cry Guy goes upstairs goes out back comes out to the front comes back in the other customer said give him the jar The guy says I took care of that lady's tooth and I made that alligator smile well how'd you make the horse laugh he said easy i told him I had a bigger deck then him bartender says how did you make him cry he said easy I showed him
Who made the most money from 9/11, the US government
This is true today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said “need money for strippers and weed”
