Mistake jokes

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

It's a grave mistake to talk badly about the death.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!

UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!

Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!

Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."

Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?

Answer: Living.

You just made a Mist-ake.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.