Mistake jokes

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."

"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"

It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!

Dad: You are one.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

What do you call your son?

An mistake.