Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
Spell "IOUT", no space.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
I got a sister.
That was a big mistake.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
