Mistake jokes
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral? While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
My Butterfingers slipped.