Mistake jokes

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

So three retards walk into a classroom...

Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.

"Ur mum gay..."

Sorry wrong person.

When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.

One time, I was making a caramel apple.

When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!

If I missed something, I'll give it to you. If you taked it, you are a mistake.

The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."

"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"

I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.

Only a city council committee would create this mistake.

Put a fucking playground next to a shitty sewer!

Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!

Dad: You are one.

It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?