Mishap jokes
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
When you realize the shuttle blew up.
Then you realize you're on the shuttle.
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
Jack fucked Jill's pussy till it stopped functioning.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was in a wheelchair! 🤣🤣
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.