Mishap jokes

Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.

Helen Keller threw the garbage out and broke a vehicle.

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He hit Alt+F4.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?

Because he lost his balance!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Why did Sally get a black eye?

She tried to play patty cake!

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.

Today my toilet paper ran across the road, but it got stuck in the crack.