Misfortune jokes
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.