Misfortune jokes

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

A selfie.

Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."

So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."

Cleveland Browns

Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

The second worst thing to happen to these orphans!

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?

Wrong тайминг.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.

Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???

Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.

(Disclaimer: not funny xD)

Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.