
Misfortune jokes
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.
Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???
Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.
(Disclaimer: not funny xD)
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
