Misfortune jokes
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!" When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
You're an orphan.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.
Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???
Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.
(Disclaimer: not funny xD)
Cleveland Browns
Sorry to hear you feel like poo!