Military jokes
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
Memes
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
Know the nuclear bombs of the world.
🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb
🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”
🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb
🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing
🇮🇱🧨 what bomb
🇮🇷🧨 just self defence
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.