Military jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
What do you call 6 gay men going to war?
Rainbow 6 Siege.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.