Military jokes
What's after R-P-G?
W.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.