Military jokes
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
Gay people would suck at war.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.