Military jokes
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"