Military jokes
What's after R-P-G?
W.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.