Military jokes
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What's after R-P-G?
W.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*