Military jokes
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
Memes
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What's after R-P-G?
W.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get it's stripes.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.