Military jokes
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
Memes
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
What's after R-P-G?
W.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.