Military jokes
39, 41, 43, AK, 47... AK-47.
1, 3, 5, M, 9... M-9.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Pee-wee Herman was in the army... until he got a dishonorable discharge!
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
If you have an emo kid army, they'll kill themselves before they get to the field.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.