Military jokes
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
39, 41, 43, AK, 47... AK-47.
1, 3, 5, M, 9... M-9.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
Gay people would suck at war.
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.