Medicine jokes
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.