Medicine jokes
During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.
Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
Diarrhea.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.
When the doctor saw this, he said,
"From Type 2 Diabetes!"
Get it?
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"