Medicine jokes

What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!

Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.

I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.

What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.

Diarrhea.

Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

"Who am I? Why am I typing?"

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

CANCER!

Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.

Have you heard about the movie about constipation?

Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.

Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's Morphine Time.

What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?

Ruberto

Why are cancer kids so fly?

Because they got the drip.

A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.

When the doctor saw this, he said,

"From Type 2 Diabetes!"

Get it?

Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?

Because it says "B Positive!"

When a man loses his testosterone,

Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?