Medicine jokes
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Diarrhea.
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"