ME jokes

One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.

Moxxie: ThEy CaLlEd Me A pOsSuM!! i'M nOt A pOsSuM!!

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.

I was looking forward to some toast...

So I took the toaster in the bath with me.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

I like you, you like me.

Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD

PS free sex at my name

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.

Me and my cancer

Are like a game of Fortnite.

I’ll never win.

Lil Johnny looked a lil bonny, but then when he saw Tommy, he decided to bomb me.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...