ME jokes

Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?

It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!

Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.

What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.

Boy: Spell ME.

Girl: M-E.

Boy: You forgot the D.

Girl: There is no D in ME.

Boy: Not yet.

Incest is wincest. (That was above.)

Fun for the whole family!

Next of kin, count me in!

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.

Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"